yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
