dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
