i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
