Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
