This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
