At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
