Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
