dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had to cum in my sink.
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