I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
