Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
