Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
