She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
