If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
