I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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