We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
