you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
