I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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