I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
