You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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