God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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