okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
