walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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