Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
