I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
