My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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