you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
porn star boner night. come get it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
