I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
