Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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