Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize