He uses pillows to masturbate.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
