Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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