He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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