So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
