I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
