maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
