I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
