I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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