I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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