His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
