I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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