life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
