I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
