do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
