you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pants are for mortals
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
