You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
