can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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