I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
