turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
