Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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