i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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