she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
