party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
