So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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