did you get engaged???
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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