She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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