Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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