This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
