please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
