2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
