mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
