Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
