Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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