I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
