Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
