He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
