New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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