Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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