I cannot find my penis.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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