whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
is it fun? or sober?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
