She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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