Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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