something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're like the curious george of whores
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
